I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
