Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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