happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
