I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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