You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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