Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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