btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
