I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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