On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
