you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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