my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
