So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
