i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
