The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
