My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He passed out mid-signature
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Found your dick twin last night
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize