there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
