we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
