someone threw a dead crab at me
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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