too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
