I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize