My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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