All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
