Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
