i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
We smell like vodka and hangover
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