Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
