Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
