right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
