I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
