i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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