just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
