I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
