She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
