I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
