Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
