It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
