Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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