Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
