no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
