Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
