the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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