i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
