My room smells like vodka and shame
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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