as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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