How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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