idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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