Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
