My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
