You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
