How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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