my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
