i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
