I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
A+ Viking dick
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
