I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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