Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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