Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize