Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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