every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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