Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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