Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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