I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
