the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she told me i tasted like america
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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