sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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