You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We have started to decorate penises.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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