but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
