somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
And then my night got REAL pukey
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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