between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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