Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
