hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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