Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize