bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
