There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
