I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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