I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
