who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize