I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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