why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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