he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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