Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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