I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
