When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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