i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
