Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
4 words: hood of his car
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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