It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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