Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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