Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
