I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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