I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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