well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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