He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
