i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
