I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i out mim tonsoeep
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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