this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Life without a bra equals bliss.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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