Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
