Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize