i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
