Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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