woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
