how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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