PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
