It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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