You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
